29 April 2013

20 reasons to say NO to Anal Sex SXT 116

Everyone is entitled to their opinion but as a doctor and psychiatrist, these are the reasons why I discourage anal sex...

26 April 2013

Dear Kamil,


I must admit that yours is indeed an experience to share so I had to jump the queue to post your dilemma, this is what I think of the situation.

There are major issues to address here and fortunately for you, yours is not a hopeless situation. Since you still have early morning erections, everything is in order. Some medications for premature

25 April 2013

Email from Chizoba

Dear Doc,
I chose Tolu! My parents accepted and he is paying my bride price soon. I now wear an engagement ring.
Guess what
, my sister and I went visiting

Weekend Sexuality Tips

FLIRTING
Check out a fine bobo or babe for about 5 seconds, then look  at your spouse and give your best seductive smile. Make sure he/she sees you staring at the other person.

SEX ETIQUETTE
Never call your spouse by a wrong name during sex....error!

24 April 2013

kamil's dilemma


I am a 39 year old man with sickle cell disease and alcohol addiction. After reading your articles on depression and erectile dysfunction, I decided it was time to share my story.

22 April 2013

Depression and Sex SXT 115

Most people say they are "depressed"  when they feel unhappy about a situation or circumstance, but in actual sense depression means persistent low mood for most time of the
day for days (lasting more than two weeks). Depression is a very common mental illness and has the following other features. These features are also used to categorize its severity ;

-reduced energy
-loss of interest in pleasurable activities
-reduced self esteem
-poor sleep
-hopelessness
-guilty feelings about past experiences
-suicidal thoughts
-apetite changes
-decreased libido


Effects of depression on sex

For most depressed men, loss of hope and reduced energy may become associated with loss of libido and erectile dysfunction . At first, he prefers only the stressless "missionary" sex position, then later he finds it difficult to "come" or may even
come too quickly.  An impatient woman would easy think her man no longer finds her attractive or is having an affair.  Some ladies surprisingly would be happy that they wouldn't bother trying to help him get better, this is because they themselves suffer from sexual aversion (SXT 105) or reduced libido, or sex with the man hadn't been  pleasurable. 

In women,  there is lack of interest and  anorgasmia (difficulty achieving orgasm). The sexual partner of a depressed woman often reports that he has to persuade her for hours before she finally gives into sex, and is usually not active like she used to be in bed. She is often emotional in bed insinuating the man is self centered, or that she only has sex these days only to please the man. Most men at this point often become frustrated and keep to themselves, some men become irritable and aggressive (even violent in some cases), some men simply seek sexual pleasures with other partners. Only a few men try to help their spouse and remain calm throughout the depressed period.


Managing sexual problems in depression

I have observed in clinical practice that most depressed people have associated reduced libido. There are lots of research articles and explanations for the association between depression and sex.....bla bla bla....but if depression is taking over your sex life, this is what to do;

- Get professional help and don't self medicate. Most medical doctors know how and what to prescribe but there are some antidepressants that cause and worsen sexual problems by causing  sexual aversion, erectile dysfunction, decreased libido or inability to achieve an orgasm.  So if depression has found its way into your bedroom,, it is best to see the psychiatrist. Considering medication is the decision of a professional although he may suggest psychotherapy depending on the severity of the depression .

- Take a break from sex and concentrate on being closer to your spouse. It is okay if you don't feel like,  try concentrating on other para sexual activities like kissing and hugging till you start to feel better. 

- Have sex when you get the sudden urge, the orgasm might be just what you need. SXT 104

-Talk about it . Don't put your spouse in the dark about what you are going through. Most partners would understand  and help but when you try communication and it fails, request a therapy session for you and your spouse by a psychologist/ psychiatrist . We usually find a way to get you back to bed..*wink!


When you sense that your partner is sad or stressed, there are a few things you can do to help;

1. Think positive and hang in there. You have to understand that the depression would pass and your partner would become the same person again. What matters is the understanding you showed. If you have never suffered depression, you cannot know what a depressed person is going through. So try to be as understanding as you can. If your partner is depressed and doesn't want sex for weeks, you should find other means of pleasure. 

2. Encourage your spouse to seek professional help. If depression is mild or moderate, one may not seek professional help, but when there are many of the symptoms (listed above) or if the intensity of symptoms are marked then please do urge your spouse to get help.

3. Power of positive thinking. Since depression is an illness like malaria, hypertension etc, it is important you don't keep a distance from your spouse, help with feeding him, take him/ her out, exercise together (even if it just taking evening walks together), encourage good hygiene and the use of medication if prescribed, discourage the use of alcohol, cigarette and other substances during this time, and most of all encourage positive thinking. This is a DIY psychotherapy (do-it-yourself): you wake up in the morning, pray together, talk about how the depressed partner is feeling emphasizing that you will be there all the way. Most depressed people feel hopeless and alone even when obviously they have so much social support, remember it is a disease of the brain so they can't help but feel this way.

4. Help with responsibilities as much as you can. This includes house chores, taking care of the children, grocery shopping, vehicle care, financial responsibilities and work schedules. Try take some burden from your spouse as much as possible because most often a depressed person would complain of reduced energy and weakness. These symptoms are not made up, they are real.

5.Take care of yourself too. Don't sink into the depression yourself, go out when you must, look good , eat and exercise well. This would make you feel better and also your spouse.

Many depressed people loose interest in sex ,  however some people maintain normal their normal sex routine because  sometimes sex may be the only source of comfort and reassurance they can get . 

Thank you. Thank you.  ( lol)

18 April 2013

Dear Toun,

I am not a fan of a lady managing a guy just because she feels can't get someone better, when in fact the guy probably wouldn't do the same. Something must have attracted you to  him in the first place and I am sure you also like somethings about him. If you aren't sure if you like him that much, write down all you like and dislike about him then compare the list. If the likes outweigh the dislikes, then keep reading....

17 April 2013

Toun's dilemma

Doc this is my first time here and I thank God I finally found you. I got engaged to this very strict,stiff,non caring dude. Although he has always been like that, I just hope when we get married he would change a bit. He is not the kind of guy that comes

15 April 2013

Premature Ejaculation SXT 114


So last week at work, I ran into a colleague who surprised me so much I said i would share with you. She said "come o Laitan, what is the meaning of this your blog and all the rubbish sex-sex things you write about?"

12 April 2013

Dear Peter,

It is quite unfortunate that you are going through this. Don't beat yourself too much about it, any one can be a victim of such circumstance. It is safe to assume your brother is having a non approving sexual relationship with your woman.

The real dilemma is not yours but your fiance's. She is the one in the middle of this, the joke is on her!

10 April 2013

Ask Doc Laitan


Dear Doc,
Please I need your help urgently , I am 27 years old and I hope to get married this year but this problem of premature ejaculation is really affecting my relationship. I have tried several means of conquering it but it seems nothing is working ...please help me out. Thanks, Chuks


Dear Chucks,
Premature ejaculation was introduced in SXT 107 (older post) where it was described as a sexual arousal problem. It is surprising that most men still suffer from this sexual dysfunction when treatment is just a taxi away. I would not prescribe any form of treatment because it is unethical except in a consulting room in a clinic or hospital. Also because you would need physical and blood tests before commencing medication. Please see a UROLOGIST (a doctor for male genital issues) or a PSYCHIATRIST (a doctor who treats emotional and behavioral problems, sexual dysfunctions inclusive).It is important that you learn the art of female sexual satisfaction in form of finger genital stimulation and oral sex, so your spouse doesn't feel frustrated.
Good luck Chuks


Peter's dilemma

I appreciate the good work doc and I have been following you for a while now. I am not the type to put my affairs in the open but I need help on this one because I think my brother is sleeping with my girlfriend.

09 April 2013

Ask Doc Laitan

Dear Doc,
What if my boyfriend wants sex during my menstrual period?
Funmi

Dear Funmi,
There are many impurities that are let out of the body during the monthly menstruation, some of which

Feedback from Ayo

Remember Ayo who has a baby and hadn't had sex with her husband for over 10 months? I advised her to get a make over and start afresh with her man. This is her feedback after 2 weeks .

08 April 2013

Dyspareunia SXT 113



Young couples often come to the clinic complaining about unpleasurable sex because of pain. This usually puts considerable strain on  relationships .

05 April 2013

Dear Chizoba,

The fact that you told both men about each other is quite commendable, most women wouldn't. Honesty is important in a relationship and I am sure whoever you eventually marry would appreciate you for it.
Now let us analyze each man based on the events that happened

1.  Virginity; It is speculated that most women feel a strong emotional attachment to the person they loose their virginity to, so the way you feel about Mike is absolutely expected. Such a feeling can be excluded from your mind if you want. It is only a small fraction of women that get married to the men that disvirgined them. Virginity is a priceless entity but once broken, you should put it behind you and not allow it impair your judgement.

03 April 2013

Chizoba's Dilemma


I am in a relationship with two guys and I love them almost equally. Before you judge me please read my story. I need help because both of them recently proposed marriage.

Doc I hope you wouldn't summarise my story too much and I hope you and your blog readers can advice me on who to choose, and please change my name and other details. Thank you.

I am Chizoba, a 32 year old from eastern Nigeria, I work with a reputable bank in Abeokuta. I met Mike in 2002 in the university and lost my virginity to him

01 April 2013

Debating Oral Sex SXT 112


Oral sex is an interesting experience for most women but better than food for most men. It is an area most couples don't visit and when a partner asks for it, he/she is likely to be judged wrongly. 

What is oral sex?
When sex involves the use of the mouth, tongue,  lips, teeth or throat to stimulate the genitals, It is referred to as oral sex. It is also described as "going down". When performed on a female it is called Cunnilingus, and fellatio when done to a male (a.k.a blow job). Anilingus refers to oral stimulation of a person's anus, the anus is not referred to as a genital organ and I  haven't asked you to be kissing poop and be feeling cool with yourself (lol). Kissing of the neck, belly, hands or other non genital areas  are also not referred to as oral sex.


Benefits of oral sex
People may engage in oral sex as part of foreplay before sexual intercourse, during, or as intercourse with the sole aim of maximum sexual pleasure.

-Oral sex can create a spark in a relationship and this can help your partner see you as bold and daring. Women beware, men have been known to cheat on their spouses because of blow jobs. If he wants it, try it and make Mr Young happy. It takes between 5-15 minutes to make him "come" this way. If you get mouth fatigue easily while giving a blow job, get chocolate syrup or icecream, but the more you practice the better you get. Use a banana to practice If you must.

-Oral sex helps to reduce anxiety associated with Vaginismus (SXT 110). A woman is helped to relax and lubricate first before penetration. Most men don't know what to do with Miss Caro. What to do is act as if trying to penetrate the vagina with the tongue, kiss the vaginal Lips like you kiss the mouth, then lick as If it were Blue bunny Icecream. I particularly suggest you get icecream for maximum pleasure. It gives an initial shocking cold feeling but ecstatic pleasure.

-Oral sex may help to "buy time" for men with premature ejaculation. Give him a blow job and stop before orgasm, try this about three times before starting genital intercourse. This should be   reciprocated so the female partner doesn't feel left out emotionally. A man with premature ejaculation should also learn the act of cunnilingus to satisfy his sexual partner.

-Most women achieve orgasms not with genital intercourse but with cunnilingus or finger stimulation of the clitoris and labia. So If a woman has never achieved an orgasm during sexual intercourse, try oral sex.

-Oral sex as an alternative to genital intercourse if a "quickie" is necessary or if a partner is indisposed (menstruation, treating a genital infection etc).

-Oral sex can be used to achieve adequate penile erection or Vaginal wetness before intercourse. Do not make the place a river because you want to make her wet (lol), this can put her off.

-Oral sex can be used to achieve an initial orgasm thus prolonging sexual intercourse.

-Finally, it is difficult to get pregnant if most of male orgasm is achieved through oral sex, thus a good contraceptive method. 

It has been said that the chemicals in semen have stress reducing properties and thus help reduce depression in women . Most psychiatrist would disagree because since the active components of  most antidepressant drugs are not present in semen, it should not be regarded as beneficial for such purpose especially if depression is already established .

In all, oral sex is emotionally rewarding in people that already like the experience, it is intriguing for those new to it, and of course something pleasurable to look forward to before, during or after sex.

Health risks
Now in case you haven't heard, prepare to be shocked because oral sex has its risks!

-If you have HPV (human papilloma virus) and perform oral you may get throat (oropharyngeal) cancer, and this has particularly increased over the years.The obvious implication is that the virus is being spread by sex, and particularly by oral sex. The virus is also involved in cervical cancer. 
The risk of developing oropharyngeal cancer is associated with a history of having six or more sexual partners – and of having four or more oral sex partners. So for couples who practise oral sex with only each other, the risk is minimal.

- If a man has mouth sore(s) and the woman has bruises or viceversa, then HIV may be likely especially if done repeatedly. This is even more likely if the anus is involved and bruised.

-Perhaps there is increasing worry about getting STD chlamydia and gonorrhea through fellatio. A 2011 article in London found that one in every 25 female commercial sex workers had chlamydia in their throat and one in every 50 had unsuspected gonorrhea in their throat.

Most shy people don't like oral sex, some religious clerics  frown at the idea but most people agree that oral sex is great especially when limited to one partner.
What is your take on oral sex?  

Doc Laitan