05 April 2013

Dear Chizoba,

The fact that you told both men about each other is quite commendable, most women wouldn't. Honesty is important in a relationship and I am sure whoever you eventually marry would appreciate you for it.
Now let us analyze each man based on the events that happened

1.  Virginity; It is speculated that most women feel a strong emotional attachment to the person they loose their virginity to, so the way you feel about Mike is absolutely expected. Such a feeling can be excluded from your mind if you want. It is only a small fraction of women that get married to the men that disvirgined them. Virginity is a priceless entity but once broken, you should put it behind you and not allow it impair your judgement.


2. Break in communication; From your email ,Mike left in 2007 and I am sure you had a GSM  phone at the time. Most people know the phone number of their spouse and unless you were not his only lover at the time, he had no reason not to call you before or after leaving for 5 whole years. If finances were more important to him then, wait till you face your mid life crises in marriage with him.

3. Depression; You were so sad after Mike left that you had to get professional help. You probably suffered a form of depression and it is possible you didn't get full recovery till you met Tolu. He was your social support then and till now. He ensured that you were independent and made you  comfortable, that is what a good man does for his woman.

4. Ethnicity;  Intertribal differences is something that shouldn't still exist. As a parent we should allow our children choose freely from any tribe in the world even if they choose from the Zulu tribe. I am sure they want the best for you and all you need to do is tell them how you feel about Tolu if you decide to marry him.

5. Reunion;  By coming back and hoping you would take him back, Mike can't be trusted. He sees you as emotional and shallow. He is playing a game of chess with you, check your queen and don't let him close.

6. Sex ; If Tolu makes the angels sing, then abeg join the choir. A couple having good sex is easy to know, but great sex? Wow! If you don't want Tolu, can I give him to a friend of mine? (lol).

Choose wisely dear, the answer is starring you in the face, you got the best birthday gift ever. We will be waiting patiently to find out whom you chose.

Doc Laitan