22 April 2013

Depression and Sex SXT 115

Most people say they are "depressed"  when they feel unhappy about a situation or circumstance, but in actual sense depression means persistent low mood for most time of the
day for days (lasting more than two weeks). Depression is a very common mental illness and has the following other features. These features are also used to categorize its severity ;

-reduced energy
-loss of interest in pleasurable activities
-reduced self esteem
-poor sleep
-hopelessness
-guilty feelings about past experiences
-suicidal thoughts
-apetite changes
-decreased libido


Effects of depression on sex

For most depressed men, loss of hope and reduced energy may become associated with loss of libido and erectile dysfunction . At first, he prefers only the stressless "missionary" sex position, then later he finds it difficult to "come" or may even
come too quickly.  An impatient woman would easy think her man no longer finds her attractive or is having an affair.  Some ladies surprisingly would be happy that they wouldn't bother trying to help him get better, this is because they themselves suffer from sexual aversion (SXT 105) or reduced libido, or sex with the man hadn't been  pleasurable. 

In women,  there is lack of interest and  anorgasmia (difficulty achieving orgasm). The sexual partner of a depressed woman often reports that he has to persuade her for hours before she finally gives into sex, and is usually not active like she used to be in bed. She is often emotional in bed insinuating the man is self centered, or that she only has sex these days only to please the man. Most men at this point often become frustrated and keep to themselves, some men become irritable and aggressive (even violent in some cases), some men simply seek sexual pleasures with other partners. Only a few men try to help their spouse and remain calm throughout the depressed period.


Managing sexual problems in depression

I have observed in clinical practice that most depressed people have associated reduced libido. There are lots of research articles and explanations for the association between depression and sex.....bla bla bla....but if depression is taking over your sex life, this is what to do;

- Get professional help and don't self medicate. Most medical doctors know how and what to prescribe but there are some antidepressants that cause and worsen sexual problems by causing  sexual aversion, erectile dysfunction, decreased libido or inability to achieve an orgasm.  So if depression has found its way into your bedroom,, it is best to see the psychiatrist. Considering medication is the decision of a professional although he may suggest psychotherapy depending on the severity of the depression .

- Take a break from sex and concentrate on being closer to your spouse. It is okay if you don't feel like,  try concentrating on other para sexual activities like kissing and hugging till you start to feel better. 

- Have sex when you get the sudden urge, the orgasm might be just what you need. SXT 104

-Talk about it . Don't put your spouse in the dark about what you are going through. Most partners would understand  and help but when you try communication and it fails, request a therapy session for you and your spouse by a psychologist/ psychiatrist . We usually find a way to get you back to bed..*wink!


When you sense that your partner is sad or stressed, there are a few things you can do to help;

1. Think positive and hang in there. You have to understand that the depression would pass and your partner would become the same person again. What matters is the understanding you showed. If you have never suffered depression, you cannot know what a depressed person is going through. So try to be as understanding as you can. If your partner is depressed and doesn't want sex for weeks, you should find other means of pleasure. 

2. Encourage your spouse to seek professional help. If depression is mild or moderate, one may not seek professional help, but when there are many of the symptoms (listed above) or if the intensity of symptoms are marked then please do urge your spouse to get help.

3. Power of positive thinking. Since depression is an illness like malaria, hypertension etc, it is important you don't keep a distance from your spouse, help with feeding him, take him/ her out, exercise together (even if it just taking evening walks together), encourage good hygiene and the use of medication if prescribed, discourage the use of alcohol, cigarette and other substances during this time, and most of all encourage positive thinking. This is a DIY psychotherapy (do-it-yourself): you wake up in the morning, pray together, talk about how the depressed partner is feeling emphasizing that you will be there all the way. Most depressed people feel hopeless and alone even when obviously they have so much social support, remember it is a disease of the brain so they can't help but feel this way.

4. Help with responsibilities as much as you can. This includes house chores, taking care of the children, grocery shopping, vehicle care, financial responsibilities and work schedules. Try take some burden from your spouse as much as possible because most often a depressed person would complain of reduced energy and weakness. These symptoms are not made up, they are real.

5.Take care of yourself too. Don't sink into the depression yourself, go out when you must, look good , eat and exercise well. This would make you feel better and also your spouse.

Many depressed people loose interest in sex ,  however some people maintain normal their normal sex routine because  sometimes sex may be the only source of comfort and reassurance they can get . 

Thank you. Thank you.  ( lol)