03 April 2013

Chizoba's Dilemma


I am in a relationship with two guys and I love them almost equally. Before you judge me please read my story. I need help because both of them recently proposed marriage.

Doc I hope you wouldn't summarise my story too much and I hope you and your blog readers can advice me on who to choose, and please change my name and other details. Thank you.

I am Chizoba, a 32 year old from eastern Nigeria, I work with a reputable bank in Abeokuta. I met Mike in 2002 in the university and lost my virginity to him
. He is my age mate and we were both in experienced at the time as he was also a virgin but we improved with time. We were together for 5 years before he left the country suddenly and didn't contact me afterwards for the next 5 years. 

I felt my dreams were shattered and I was depressed for so long that I had to see a psychologist before I could move on. After 2 years of waiting I met Tolu, he is 3 years older than me, he helped me with my NYSC and present job. I am actually a top executive at my bank at present.  Sex with him is different, he is a perfect gentleman and puts my needs before his own and I love him for it.  The problem is that he isn't from the East like me and my parents have made it clear that I can't marry him although I love him so much. 

Mike came back last year and it felt as if he never left. He explained that he was smuggled into America and had to hustle to fend for himself for a long time.He contacted me after 2 years but he was told I had moved on. He was unhappy but  understood that the fault was his for not contacting me. We have talked about it but my heart skips a beat whenever I see him. I feel my heart belongs to him and he was my best friend when we were together. 

I recently told Tolu about Mike and he was distraught, he has fallen ill repeatedly since then and says life isnt worth living without me. I love Tolu but mostly during sex. I haven't cheated on him with Mike since he got back but I probably would soon if I am not careful out of pity.  The last time I saw Mike he was in tears at my office and my heart couldn't take it.  He proposed to me and I said I'd think about it. Yesterday on my birthday, April 1st, Tolu proposed to me in front of my family and friends. I haven't given him a reply too.

My sister knows about my dilemma and wants me to choose Tolu, she said because I have known him longer and he is a gentleman. My best friend who knows Mike from our school days says I should choose him.

Is it possible to love two people equally? I am afraid Mike would leave me like he did but every time I see him I know he is the one but when Tolu touches me, the angels sing! 
I have to choose soon and I think I would go for Tolu but I am scared that my parents would be disappointed for ethnic reasons. Despite all this, a tiny voice keeps telling me to marry Mike.

It is the rest of my life I am worried about. Biko!

This is a true story although the names, dates and places used here have been changed for confidentiality. To share an experience or dilemma, Send an email to doclaitan@gmail.com