What do you say to a child that walks in on you having sex? You think it's an easy one until it actually happens to you. Well, I have heard different excuses like " we were doing adult stuff", "we were praying", "we were just talking", " we were cleaning your mummy's bumbum" , "we were changing your mummy's diapers" All sorts!
Recently,during her routine sex education talk with her 5 year old daughter, a woman asked if she had seen a boy's penis. The little girl said that she had, her mum was shocked and she asked whose own. She told her mum she had seen her daddy's own a long time ago when she walked into his room just as he stepped out of the bathroom. This lady was shocked and thought her daughter was just making jokes, so she asked her to describe what she saw. The little girl described by cupping both hands to described the balls and the middle organ. The lady was perplexed.
There is no doubt that you must talk to your child about sex. You don't have to go into details at an early age,but you must protect them against possible invaders.
Sex education may commence for a child at age 3. Ideally, a woman should talk to the female child and a man to the male child. Amidst jokes,ice cream and other goodies, ,this is an example of how to go about it for a child up aged 3- 9;
1. Name the genital organ (vagina and penis) e.g "punini", "punani","willy" etc.
2. Ask them what they use their punini for .
3. Ask if they have seen a boy's or girl's punini before.
4. Tell them that the punini is their little secret that no body must see even
5. Discourage her from sitting on a male's lap even when with her uncles.
6. Discourage them from being alone with older (especially unrelated) people.
7. Enforce that if someone wants to touch their punini, they must shout "leave me alone" and run from the room.
8. Tell him/her that you are their best friend and you are never too busy for them.
9. Encourage them to always ask you any questions they have regarding a boy and a girl
10. Never stand naked in front of your children above age 1, this means no bathing, dressing up or sex around them. By doing this, you are also setting an example that the body should be a secret.
As she gets older, you have to modify the questions and be more direct. This is an example of the education style for a child from age 10-15
1. Do you know what the punini is used for?By now kids know for sure what you and daddy do. Her best friend already likes a boy and she might as well. She blushes when you and your spouse hug and kiss in front of them. After asking this question, allow them express themselves freely
2. Ask what name the genitals are called in their school and laugh together about it
3. Ask gently if anyone has ever seen their own punini
4. Ask if they have touched anyone's punini
5. Ask what they know about sex, allow them talk freely and always divert them back to the question you asked
6. Tell them in a general sense the dangers of engaging in sexual activities at a young age, this isn't the age to encourage safe sexual practices. This is the age when you are still discouraging sex . These dangers include infections that can make them very sick, changes in their own behaviour, fall in grades and loss of trust and confidence you have in them.
7. Reassure them of how proud you are of them, accept their weaknesses and praise their efforts.
From age 15, do not deceive your self, your child wants to have sex. It is not them per say, it's either peer pressure or their hormones acting up. They have boobs, pubic hair, changes in voice, change in size of penis,wet dreams and they understand that the penis and vagina are meant to be together! .
This isnt the time to talk gently like an oyinbo, this isn't the kind of talk that you have at an eatery or a fancy park. This is the kind of talk you have seriously without smiles. This is an example of a typical yoruba woman's sex education with her 16 year old daughter who just gained admission into the university.;
Funmilayo! funlayo!! funmi! How many times did I call you? You know
how much your school fees cost and how I had to run around to make
sure your school fees is complete. I beg you in the name of your
father and your father's father, please don't disgrace me!
Note that she hasn't specified that don't have sex neither has she told her to have sex. Of course Funmi knows what her mother means, we all do! Mama funmi's method has worked for most Nigerian teenagers. Lets talk to the kids early and always .
This topic was suggested by a DLSB reader. Send your topic suggestions and enquiries to doclaitan@gmail.com. Cheers
