Enough about the kids and sex education, now let's talk about even more serious stuff.....What if your husband would rather masturbate than have sex with you? I have received emails from guys that need help for their masturbation problems, some even complain that they feel it has made their semen watery. So many emails like that, but the one I would like to share (by permission) is this one below.
""Hi Dr, I have been married for 10 years but enjoyed only the first 4 years during which period I had my lovely two kids. The remaining 6 years have been hell for me. I can count the number of times I have had sex with my husband who would rather masturbate than have sex with me. My husband is a very religious man and I am as well, when we got married we had sex about once a week and being inexperienced myself, i didn't mind at all. After my second child, it became only an act during special anniversaries. I am not crazy about sex but I have become so uncomfortable because my husband goes into the bathroom to masturbate everyday. Sometimes he does it on the bed with my body, when I refuse he becomes angry , gets up and goes into the bathroom. He watches porn, reads porn and he is getting more and more angry about it especially when I try to talk to him about it. I am very unhappy about this, I cannot tell anyone about this issue. Out of frustration I started searching for answers and stumbled upon your blog. It would be humiliating for me to discuss this issue with someone and even alot more worse for him, I don't even know if he even wants to change, he said he started when he was around 13 years old. What do I do? do you help people stop this habit? We both need help; I am becoming inpatient and he is withdrawn most times, we hardly talk these days. I feel he is ashamed.........""
Hi DLSB readers, I am not surprised by such a mail. Most men that continue masturbating even after marriage find it difficult to break the act. Since masturbation is a compulsive act, it follows that the person thinks and ruminates about erotic images, gets regular urges, has an increased libido and must have a regular sexual outlet ....masturbating.
Now it is important that you understand that a man that masturbates feels bad about what he does and feels guilty immediately after doing it. The guilt makes him persistently unhappy, his confidence level/self esteem is low and he feels angry towards himself that he cannot stop, and angry at his spouse that she don't understand and indulge him in his odd habit. Without realising that they may be depressed, they tend to loose interest in social activities, family relationships and sometimes in their work.
At some point in their lives, they decide to get married for companionship and as an expected duty in the society. They choose someone decent with good looks, hoping to be able to break the act during the marriage. Some of them eventually do, others with co existing depression or anxiety problems continue to masturbate and eventually with age, they might eventually channel the energy into midlife activities.
It can be frustrating if a woman's husband masturbates, she starts to wonder if she isn't attractive enough, she wonders if she had pushed him into masturbating, she wonders if there is still love between them. You have to understand that just like other obsessive compulsive disorders ,masturbation is a mental disorder that can be appropriately managed. As a wife, be patient, understanding and encourage him to get help from a psychiatrist. Doctors don't judge you, we listen and advise as appropriate.
The outcome of compulsive masturbation is good once treatment is started, for some clients it takes only about 5-8weeks of therapy and drug treatment to break the viscous cycle of the habit.
If you have this problem and you would like to stop, contact a psychiatrist today or send me an email. If one out of 4 guys masturbate, then one or two of your friends have this problem that they would not likely tell anyone about. So send them my blog link, you may have just saved a relationship. #wink!
Send all comments and enquiries to doclaitan@gmail.com.....muaaaaaaaah.....HAPPY THANKSGIVING NIGERIA!
