Self esteem is a term for a person's overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth while body image refers to a person's feelings of the sexual attractiveness of his or her own body. I haven't said that body image is how people expect you to look or indeed how you look, but how you perceive yourself to look and view your body.
Most people take a look at themselves and decide; I am too thin, too fat, too short , too tall, legs too fat, legs too thin, arms too fat, arms too thin, face too rough, nose too big, belly too big.........we can be here all day!
We don't have to ponder so hard to realise that ideas (about what an ideal man or woman should look like)have been put in our minds by the media. Don't you wonder why everyone on tv is so perfect? Have you met them off camera? Even Kim Kardashian and Beyonce Knowles have stretch marks (beef).
Most people don't even know they have a low body image of themselves but if you find yourself doing one or more of these things then you may have a low body image of your self...
For example you like to have sex with your clothes on, or put on some make up before sex, turn off the lights, hate to be on top, don't like undressing in front of your spouse, don't have sex outside the bedroom, worry about some of your body parts even during sex, believe you would enjoy sex better if your weight is different, believe your body isn't hot enough for your spouse, quick to dress up after sex, dont move around naked in your house when your spouse is home, fantasize about your spouse being with someone sexier, prefer only a few positions so you can hide your body, or you avoid sex because you believe your partner doesn't appreciate your body.
If your spouse had decided to be with you despite how you really look, then I strongly believe you should look past it too. Your body could have undergone some changes due to age, dietary changes, childbirth, trauma, alcoholism or illness(es). This doesn't mean your spouse doesn't know what you are going through, the truth is that you have both become a single unit and feel the same way. He feels what you feel, she feels just the way you feel.
The key to improving the way you view your self and feel about your body is to go through these stages I call "YES"(YOURSELF, EXERCISE, SPEAK)
1. Yourself
No one can make you feel bad about yourself more than you already make yourself feel. You have brought yourself low and only you can bring yourself back up. I have a beautiful friend whose husband was an alcoholic and psychologically abused her, called her names and told her she was an ugly b**ch till she believed him. She almost gave up, she almost lost it before we met. I told her to look hard into the mirror then make a note of her beautiful physical features and personalities. Whenever you feel bad about your body image, look into the mirror and think about those people who do not even have eyes to see themselves....Smile, we are all beautiful.
2. Exercise
If you look through all the possible diseases and disorders in the world, you would realise that the only common solution they have is exercise. Exercise makes you energetic and feel alive. It makes you happy and sexy. It takes the stress off you and makes you think more clearly. My own simple routine is 15-30 minutes of dance therapy 3 days a week. A good turn on for most people is when their spouse is trying to be as healthy as they can be.
3.Speak
In any relationship, the most important tool is communication. Any emotion you feel must be talked about. If you feel less about your body, tell your spouse about it and you will be shocked about the response you would get. Just start by saying , would you love me more if I was ..... Fill in the dots.
keep reading and I'd keep writing.
Doc Laitan
